“Back in the Saddle …”

Healing is perfection…healing helps us grow…healing helps makes sense of what sometimes doesn’t always makes sense….and most importantly, healing helps us to move forward.

I recently found myself in need of some major healing…for the past few months, I had been walking around in a bit of a fog. For me that meant being tired, on some levels feeling depressed, unsure of my next step, needing some sort of change in my life and not really caring…a general malaise. Although I had gone through feelings of being unsure various times in my life…I had never felt anything like this before. It totally sideswiped me. It was like I had these emotions come right up to the precipice, but without being able to identify and release them. It was very troubling. I very much wanted to come to terms with and release what was brewing inside of me. Once or twice the emotions started to surface only to be placed back in a holding position…all I knew was that I was unhappy and very much desired a clearing.

What were these emotions bubbling under the surface? Where they incidents from my childhood that needed identification, understanding and expulsion? Where they my true nature letting me know that I was a bit off of my path and that I needed to start taking care of myself better and reconnect with what brings me joy? Or was my driven nature and fears of not living up to my life’s purpose starting to rebel because of my very tough nature on myself? It would be fair to say it was a combo of all 3. Although in many ways, through the years I have done a nice job of finding balance, adventure and accomplishment …I realized more recently that I had lost my spark for living in the way that I used to have it. Although my creativity continued to come through for the most part in the form of books, movies and inspirational poetry…It had become a case of ok…what’s next? I think what happened was that I so desperately wanted to help others through inspiring projects and writings…that I forgot to help and take care of myself; take care of my needs and relearn how to be the fun loving Brian that I used to know. I realized that I had reached a critical point…I wasn’t happy, and as I like to tell others, If you aren’t happy it’s time for a change.

What was this change I was looking for? In my heart, I know that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing… writing, creating inspirational projects and sharing what comes through me. Yet it wasn’t making me happy— or at least I didn’t think it was. But what I found out as I delved deeper was that the way I was going about it wasn’t making me happy. I can tell you that nothing brings me more pure joy than when I am working on a film, self-help book, poem, or children’s story. My projects just flow through me; like I am a conduit. But as I looked closer and paid attention…I noticed that my intuitive hits weren’t coming in as frequently or as strong. It was as if I was driving with no headlights at night. I have always relied very much on my intuition for guidance. It was troubling not to be able to tap into it like I was used too. It was as if I didn’t know what my next step would be….combine that with the emotional feelings that were bubbling under the surface needing release; I was in a tough spot.

At about this time I was headed up to Oregon where I am originally from for business. Well, the business was finished up a lot sooner than I had anticipated and as so often happens in life…our original plans get scrapped for something much more important and revealing. Although I originally travelled there for business…the real reason I went to Oregon was to heal.

My healing began when I went into a book store that I had been drawn to go visit. I was familiar with this store as I had done some workshops there on prior trips and had always enjoyed their staff; they were always very kind and open. I first asked if I could use one of their small “reading rooms” to meditate and think. They said no problem…I went back again the next day to do the same thing…the perceptive woman at the counter could tell that I was struggling a bit and that I needed to work something out. She suggested I have a session with a very talented intuitive healer that worked there. By rare chance she happened to have an opening that very same afternoon…knowing that I was at wits end…I took the plunge and said sure. Let me just say that it was exactly what I had been looking for! Although I am a very self aware person…I knew I needed some assistance to dig deeper. During the session…she was definitely able to help me find, bring up and release a lot of what had been hanging around me…the caught energy, the misunderstood comments of yesteryear, the unworthiness that was living inside of me. I was able to begin the work of healing…this was what I was truly looking for.

Without getting into personal detail, I was able to identify some areas and issues that I had been carrying around with me for most of my life. She also helped me realize and identify my “true” need to add more play into my life; whether it was a bike ride, hike, hanging out with friends or a mini vacation. I had to incorporate that playfulness back into my life to allow everything to properly flow. And once I began to do that…I am happy to say that it was like I fell right back into being the real me. Life felt exciting again… I felt alive and because I felt alive I was able to tap back into my intuition and regain my creativity and intuition. I was also able to set aside a bit of my “go go go” nature, because I now knew that it wasn’t working for me in the way that I was using it. I needed to get off the proverbial “hamster” wheel to replenish and regenerate through more play.

Take care of yourself friends…seek help to release the pains you have been holding onto… they need to be released and are way too big to carry around in your light; as it was with me…it held me back. I was stuck, I was depressed, I wasn’t on my path. By being open to releasing what was stuck inside of me as well as learning how to play again I was able to free myself which in turn helped me to be myself. I want you to free yourself as well… be open to healing, be open to playing and be open to moving forward!

Copyright 2012 G. Brian Benson

 

 

     

 

“Light”

Can you see your light inside you?
It shines both day and night
Leading you both near and far
Keeping your path in sight

Can you feel your light inside you?
As it courses through your veins
Inspired greatness housed within
To share for all to gain

Can you taste your light inside you?
Flavored sweet and pure
Water, land and truthful food
Grant energy and cures

Can you hear your light inside you?
As it speaks to you in song
Guiding you to flow each day
Helping you stay strong

Can you touch your light inside you?
Compassion, joy and heat
A tender kiss, a warm embrace
Rituals to be complete

Can you sense your light inside you?
It’s spoken from within
Hunches, feelings, heart felt signs
Giving life a whole new spin

Will you trust your light inside you?
Your gifts, your being, your core
True greatness lay in wait
To be shared, enjoyed, explored

 

Copyright G. Brian Benson 2011

 

 

 

 

 

     

 

“Relax Into It”

I had the pleasure last week to listen to author Noel Levine speak and although I took many lessons and received much enjoyment from his conversational style…the message that stuck with me the most came about while he was explaining how to just let go and RELAX into meditation to eliminate the mind chatter that we can receive while trying to meditate. Now this in and of itself is a great reminder for those of us who find meditation helpful, but occasionally challenging because we have trouble turning off this chatter; I appreciated the reminder to just “relax into” my meditation instead of force it. But I took something else from his suggestion… I immediately used his “relax into it” suggestion to another issue that I had been having. For the last couple of months, I have been having quite a bit of pain due to a minor medical condition and I felt that his words “relax into it” were meant exactly for me and what I have been going through. I begin to envision the area that I was having some pain in, took a few breaths and as I slowly let them out I allowed them to sink or “relax” into that pain. I immediately began to feel some relief. I then also realized that I had been focusing on and holding onto that pain up until that moment. You know keeping thoughts of “when is it going to stop?” “Will it ever stop?” “When will the relief come?” And because of the nature of those questions…I repeatedly reinforced that it was an issue in my life because I was focusing on it.

I then remembered a quote that I heard Wayne Dyer share once that said “what we embrace strengthens us and what we fight weakens us.” I had been fighting my pain, I had been complaining about it, focusing on it and giving it more power than it deserved. I now realized that I needed to embrace or “relax into it”; knowing that it wouldn’t be a part of my life forever and it too would come to pass.

You know pain is just one area where we can “relax into” something to make it better. What are some areas in your life that you would benefit from “relaxing into?” Your job, relationships, parenting, and loving yourself are just the tip of the iceberg. Fighting instead of embracing and “relaxing into” these examples just gives these areas more power and with more power they just make our lives frustrating and more difficult. If we relax into our issues, we are able to minimize or diffuse their hold on us. We are then able to more fluidly move through them and on with our lives which in turn will help us eventually work through what has us troubled. Where are you having some resistance in your life? Relax into it and see what happens…